Over Time...

I had just typed out a pretty long entry, when half-way through I decided that it wasn't something that I wish to share on the internet, where I know people who I don't explaining it to would see.

So instead I'm going to write about what else is on my mind.

I miss my old wolf pack. There was a time when I was surrounded by friends. And I know that they were my true friends. It wasn't that long ago. I still have some of those friends, but not like it used to be... I'm not saying I regret how my life is now, no. I love being a mom, and I love devoting my time to being with my son. He may only be 6 months old, but he's my best friend (yes, I know that is corny). I just miss the days when I could flip open my phone and have a flock to pick from. My true friends consist of a small handful of people, and that's always been that way, but I miss having people I could call and be like "hey, want to hang out?"
But I know why I chose to step away from most of the people I used to hang out with. I was in a different place then. I was also in self-destruct mode, and not all of those "friends" were always very helpful to stop said self-destruct. Expect for the ones that are still around today. I know this doesn't make sense. One moment I'm saying that I miss them, the next I am saying that most of them were bad friends.
Bad friends, not bad people... mostly.
I just think it would be nice to get together one night with all those old friends in one place. Get a case or two of beer, no liquor though, because that's usually went shit when wrong.

I just keep thinking about them... maybe they don't think about me, but I think about them. I wonder how everyone is doing, where everyone is.

It was a good, but also bad, two years. (2008-2010). Really the last time I hung out with everyone was shortly after new years 2010.

What's funny is I found my journal from then... and my new years resolution had come true. By the end of 2010 I had saved myself from self-destruction, but at the cost of a lot of friendships. I separated myself from a lot of people to get myself away from everything I was doing. But now, I wish I had at least stayed in touch....

The people in my life now, I thank God everyday for them. The friends that have been by side for years, the new friends I've been blessed to gain the past few months, and most importantly, my family.

But the memories of old friends still linger...